The Mental Load of Motherhood – and How to Lighten It

There’s a type of exhaustion that doesn’t come from lack of sleep or chasing kids around all day. It’s the exhaustion of managing everything—the mental load of motherhood.

As moms, we carry an invisible list in our minds. We have appointments to schedule and birthday presents to buy. There are school forms to fill out and meal plans to make. Laundry needs folding, adding to a growing to-do list that no one else seems to notice. This invisible burden is called the mental load. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by all the things you have to juggle, you are definitely not alone.

I didn’t realize how heavy this burden was. It became clear when I found myself lying in bed at night. I was exhausted but unable to turn off my brain. I would review all the tasks I needed to do the next day. I also thought about everything I forgot to do that day. Additionally, I planned for everything that still needed attention for the following week. And the worst part? No one else seemed to see it. My husband was incredibly helpful in many ways, but I was still the one keeping track of everything.

And that’s the thing about mental load in motherhood – it’s not just about doing tasks. It’s about the constant thinking, planning, and remembering that falls almost entirely on moms.

But here’s the good news: we don’t have to carry it all alone. Over time, I’ve found ways to lighten the mental load – and I want to share them with you today.

What is the Mental Load?

The mental load is the invisible work of managing a household and family life. It’s not just the physical tasks. It’s the constant responsibility of keeping track of everything that needs to be done, big or small.

It looks like:

• Being the one who remembers doctor’s appointments, birthdays, and school events.
• Knowing when the kids need new shoes because their feet grew overnight.
• Keeping track of meal plans, grocery lists, and what’s running low in the fridge.
• Thinking ahead—“Do we need sunscreen for next weekend’s trip?” “When was the last time I washed the kids’ bedsheets?”
• Being the go-to person for everything: “Mom, where are my socks?” “What’s for dinner?” “Did you RSVP for the party?”

Many partners are willing to help. The problem is that they often don’t see these tasks. We have to tell them. That’s because moms are usually the ones keeping the mental checklist running. And honestly? That in itself is exhausting. 😶‍🌫️

How to Lighten the Mental Load

I won’t pretend that I have it all figured out. Here are a few things that have helped me. They might help you too in lightening the mental load of motherhood.

1. Stop Trying to Do It All

This one is hard because, as moms, we feel responsible for everything. But the truth is, we can’t do it all, and we shouldn’t have to. Some things can wait. Some things don’t need to be perfect. And some things can be shared with others (more on that below!).

Give yourself permission to let go of the unrealistic expectation that you have to manage every little detail. It’s okay if the laundry piles up for a day. It’s okay if dinner isn’t homemade. It’s okay to take a break.

2. Make the Invisible Visible

One of the biggest frustrations with the mental load is that no one else sees it. Our partners and kids don’t always realize how much we’re carrying in our minds. So, instead of waiting for them to notice, we need to make it visible.

Try this: Write down everything you keep track of in a week. Every tiny task, every reminder, every responsibility. Then, share it with your partner. Sometimes, seeing it written out helps them understand the extent of what we’re managing. It’s crucial to share family responsibilities..

3. Delegate (and Let Go of Control)

Delegating is one thing. Actually letting go of control? That’s the hard part.

I used to ask my husband for help, but then I’d micromanage how he did things. 🫣 If he packed the kids’ lunches differently than I would, I’d step in and redo it. If he dressed our toddler in mismatched clothes, I’d feel the need to change the outfit. 🤡

But here’s the thing: helping means doing things their way, not just our way. If we want to share the mental load of family responsibilities, we must truly let go of some tasks. We have to trust that they will get done even if it’s not exactly how we would do it.

Try this:

• Split the responsibilities clearly—for example, one parent handles school-related tasks, the other manages extracurricular activities.
• Let your partner take full ownership—if they’re in charge of something, let them do it without stepping in.
• Teach kids to be responsible for small tasks—like packing their own backpacks or setting the table. – Buy my Kids Chore Chart Bundle ➡️ here

4. Use Systems to Take the Mental Load Off Your Brain

Instead of keeping everything in my head, I’ve started relying on systems to help manage the mental load. Some things that work well:

• A shared family calendar (Google Calendar or a physical one) so everyone knows what’s going on.
• Meal planning in advance so I don’t have to think about dinner every single day. Buy my printable Home management planner ➡️ here or my Busy Mom planner ➡️ here
• A weekly checklist for household chores so it’s not just me remembering what needs to be cleaned.
• Reminder apps or notes on my phone for things I don’t want to forget.

The more I can put into a system, the less I have to actively think about.

5. Ask for Help Without Feeling Guilty

This one is tough because we’re often told that moms should be able to “handle it all.” But that’s simply not true. There’s no shame in asking for help—whether it’s from a partner, family member, or friend.

• If you feel overwhelmed, say so.
• If you need a break, take one.
• If you need help, ask for it.

You don’t have to do this alone.

A Gentle Reminder for You

If you’re feeling exhausted from carrying the mental load of motherhood, know this: it’s not because you’re not doing enough. It’s because you’re doing too much. ❤️‍🩹

Being a mom is hard. But you don’t have to do it all on your own. You deserve rest, support, and a home where the weight of family responsibilities is shared.

So today, take a deep breath. Let go of something that’s weighing you down. And remember—you’re doing an amazing job. 👏🏻

What’s one thing you can delegate or simplify today to lighten your mental load? Let me know in the comments!

With love,
Marie 🥰😍